Lead by Example

 

My husband and I were still very young when we started having children. It was incredibly helpful to have my mother around because I really had no idea what I was doing. I knew I could rest assured that she would teach my children everything they needed to know about living for God, serving Him, and bringing them to the faith. However, that was tragically short-lived, as the Lord took our sweet angel of a mom to be with Him.

When everything settled, one of the biggest realities that hit me hard was that I no longer had my mother leading us in faith. She was the frontrunner, the one we all followed. With her gone, I felt an immense weight of responsibility fall on me to guide my children in the ways of the Lord. I was suddenly very aware of how much I needed to strengthen my own relationship with God before I could lead them.

I often felt guilty on days when we were just surviving, focusing on housework and my children's schoolwork instead of engaging with the Word. I tried to nurture my soul by catching up on sermons while preparing meals or listening to biblical teachings in the car while running errands. Despite my efforts, I always felt overwhelmed and inadequate in teaching my children, guilty for prioritizing my own spiritual needs over theirs.

I felt this way for a long time until I happened to come across a detailed institutional study on parenting styles and how they shape the morals, principles, and behaviors of children. I was surprised to discover that the most effective parenting style is teaching by example. In other words, my children retained and learned much more when they saw me pursuing the Lord than if I tried to sit them down and teach them verbally what they needed to know. I was most effective in raising them in the ways of the Lord when I modeled that behavior myself. I suddenly realized that I had achieved more than I had imagined, when I shamefully felt I was pursuing the Lord just for myself.  

I began to notice this theme throughout scripture: we are called to lead by example. While verbal instructions are important, they represent only a small part of what our children truly retain. Our lives need to be the primary example.

Don't lord it over the people assigned to your care, but lead them by your own good example. (1 Pe. 5:3)

I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. (Jn 13:15)

In everything set them an example by doing what is good. (Titus 2:7)