Resolve your Conflicts

Just a few days ago, I happen to watch a brief CBS Mornings interview of George Clooney and his beautiful wife, Amal.  The couple had just celebrated their 8^th wedding anniversary and sat down with Gayle King to share a few secrets of maintaining a healthy marriage. 

I was so impressed with the fact that in the eight years together, they haven’t had a single argument.  I have to admit, I surely can’t say the same for myself.   

My husband and I are both very strong-minded, opinionated individuals.  Once in a great while our opinions happen to strongly clash. 

Conflicts or disagreements are often assumed unpredictable and unavoidable.  However, I’m convinced the greatest problems arise when conflicts are left unresolved.   

Not only are they a hinderance to maintaining healthy relationships with others, but they directly affect our relationship with God.  

Genesis 13 vividly illustrates this concept.   

The Bible states:

And there was a strife between the herdsmen of Abram's cattle and the herdsmen of Lot's cattle: (vs 7)

Strife simply means conflict, disagreement, or quarrelling 

So Abram said to Lot, Let’s not have any quarreling between you and me, … Let’s part ... If you go to the left, I’ll go to the right; if you go to the right, I’ll go to the left.

Notice Abraham took the initiative, or first step.

Removing strife and resolving conflict often means stepping down and taking the initiative.  Being first to apologize.  Allowing the opponent to have the upper hand.  

Abraham said, Lot you have first choice.  

To me, that sounds like, okay you win, I loose. 

Taking the initiative is never easy. It requires meekness and humility.  It often means apologizing even though you truly don’t feel like it.  

My husband once asked “How do you apologize when you don’t feel it on the inside?, It can’t be genuine!”

Unlike the rest of the world, we are taught to make decisions based on our convictions, not our feelings.  In other words, doing what I know is right, not what I feel is right.  

To my surprise, I’ve learned that feelings always follow.  Although at the heat of the moment I never feel like taking the initiative, there’s always a rewarding feeling that immediately follows a resolved conflict.    

And the LORD said to Abram, after Lot had separated from him… (vs. 14)

Notice AFTER  Abram resolved his conflict, God speaks to him.  Resolved conflicts provide for restored fellowship with God.   You can’t have fellowship if you have strife in your life.  

I’ve first hand experienced it.  Even the slightest feelings of disappointment in the heart become a barrier to experiencing his presence in the prayer closet.  

Sadly, many allow past conflicts and disappointments to continue unresolved for prolonged periods of time. Thus, never able to truly experience a growing relationship with God.  

 

Supporting Text

So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God. (Matt. 5:23-24)

 Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves (Ph 2:3)

If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen? (1 John 4:20)

It’s an honor for a man to cease from strife: (Pr. 20:3)